I skipped work to stalk him.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
