she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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