so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
