Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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