How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
