I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
