I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
