Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
