I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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