Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
