A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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