Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i drank out of a bidet.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
