So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
