you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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