I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
