I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
