Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
