If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
