just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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