Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just tell him i said nine months
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
