You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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