Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
