I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
