Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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