I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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