Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
