Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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