she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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