so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
