Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
