You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
