She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
