yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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