No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
