the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize