Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
