Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize