I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
