dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
