I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
