I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The air taste purple.
Randomize
