So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
