I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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