I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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