Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
