I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
