Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
