Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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