I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
