i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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