We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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