So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
