And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
