This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize