no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You ruined the universe
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
