We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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