If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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