shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
