Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
