Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize