So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
