First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
