I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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