if you like me you must not know who I am
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
