nut hugger
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
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