there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
