Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
