i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
